a whole bunch and not many at all...

"It happens sometimes. Friends come in and out of our lives like busboys in a restaurant."

i have recently started trying to figure out who my "lifers" are... see amy's post on the outsiders if you want to - she talks about "lifers" - life friends...

sometimes it's hard for me to let go... and there have been friends that i thought i'd have forever... and a day goes by, a week, a month, a year, a few years and i haven't talked to them... i honestly can't tell you what is going on in their life - and i'm guessing they probably couldn't tell you about mine, either...

and it's not that i actually thought at the time that i would be friends with them forever - i just didn't think that they wouldn't be my friend later - if that makes sense... i can easily think of a dozen or two friends that i've had over the years that i have completely lost touch with... or mostly, anyway... it seems like there is a ton of them...

and i'm wondering how many of the friends that i talk to now are really "lifers" - i know a couple that i think will be - but who knows - and with the way things change... i already feel like i don't have many friends... what happens if i lose one of them? i know there will be others - there are bound to be new friends... but what about the few that have stuck by my side - that i've been able to see an evolving friendship with and how sweet it is that as we've become adults we've gotten a lot closer... will they be my lifers?

i guess i have to be deliberate in my friendships, so that my friends don't turn into busboys... or spots on my memory that i can hardly recall...